i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i now understand why vodka
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
