Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
