somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
