i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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