That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
