all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
