Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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