FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
