i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
