What did we do last night that was yellow?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
