Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
