so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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