ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
