Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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