Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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