i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
