is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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