girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
