I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
