I think I won the penis lottery.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
