Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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