totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
