when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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