I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
