Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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