Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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