Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
