she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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