When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Girls should come with a carfax report
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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