some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
