Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Is Oprah even human
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize