you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I smell like Dick and happiness
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
