How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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