Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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