I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
