the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize