I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
