Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
