If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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