i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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