when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
