I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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