then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
