I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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