While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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