what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
