This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I cut my penus on the lid.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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