Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
