How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
smell my finger.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
