Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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