Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize