I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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