he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize