Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
they're like a gay fantastic four
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
