If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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