I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
