Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
