So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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