She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
