I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
