Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
