they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
