How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
