Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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