How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
