And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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