the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
And then my night got REAL pukey
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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