life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
