I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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