I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I checked into jail on foursquare
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
